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Understanding the Impact of Conflict on Children
Research consistently shows that parental conflict—not divorce itself—causes the most lasting harm to children. Understanding this empowers you to protect them.
What conflict does to children:
- Emotional stress: Children feel caught in the middle, anxious, and insecure
- Loyalty conflicts: Feeling pressured to choose sides or please both parents
- Parentification: Taking on adult roles, trying to fix parents' problems or care for siblings
- Long-term effects: Research links high-conflict divorce to anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties in adulthood
What research tells us:
- Children adjust better to divorce when protected from parental conflict
- A loving relationship with both parents is one of the strongest protective factors
- Children are remarkably resilient when given stability, consistency, and emotional support
- The quality of parenting matters more than the structure of the family
Your goal: Create a protective buffer between the conflict and your children. They should feel loved by both parents and secure in their world—even when that world is changing.
Studies show that children who maintain strong relationships with both parents after divorce have significantly better outcomes than those who lose a parent or are exposed to ongoing conflict.
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